You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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