If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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