Three words: puerto rican gang bang
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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