new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
