we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize