Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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