went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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