normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
