just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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