Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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