Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
