We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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