oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
