Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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