Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
