i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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