He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
be right there i have to get my cape
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
