I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize