you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
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