This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
