At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just gift wrapped bread.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Randomize
