True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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