dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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