I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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