I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
