Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
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Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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