Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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