I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
