Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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