I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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