I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
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