remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
