So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
