i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
