Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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