it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
God, you're like boner-b-gone
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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