You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
