Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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