Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
