I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
