I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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