It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
