Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
