We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Randomize
