I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I think I sprained my soul last night
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
