dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
