I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
i now understand why vodka
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
