He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
