you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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