don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
