how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
