i just wanna soil my oats bro
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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