im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
