I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
