Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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