He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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