five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Randomize
