never play flip cup with pint glasses
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
