East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
