Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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