Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I love having hate sex.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
